Word count:3877
hey this is Leo for actualised dot-org and this video I'm going to talk about self-confidence okay self-confidence let's talk a little bit about what this is and how it really works the in-depth mechanics of how confidence is developed I actually have other videos that I'm gonna link down below in the comments section that talk about how to more practically build confidence here I really want to get into not so much giving you a little technique but I want to to really get into like the core about confidence is why some people have it once why some people don't so this is going to be a fascinating topic and it'll help you understand maybe where your own lack of self-confidence is coming from and how you can start to turn it around not just with a little simple patch-over solution but really understanding it at its core I find that's the best way to solve problems is understanding them at the core so that's what I want to cover here self confidence I mean I've had my own self-confidence issues for a long long time I've had them since I was a kid so I was six or seven years old and there are various areas in your life where confidence can be a problem so we're gonna look at some of the different areas and we're gonna maybe see what is the area that you are having the most problem with confidence in because just saying generally like lack of confidence I have lack of confidence that's painting with too broad of a brush what you want to do is you want to say I have a lack of confidence in a particular area confidence is something that we're going to talk about is very context dependent so we're going to take a look at that and other things along those lines so what are some examples of where confidence could be lacking or where confidence could be required an example might be a job interview maybe you have a job interview that you're going to and you're feeling worried about it you feel like stressed you're not feeling confident how about public speaking or speaking in front of others or being in a social situation you're maybe extrovert I mean an introvert or you're just shy and you have lack of confidence in social situations or you have confidence problems when you need to go up and give a presentation at work how about starting a business Wow takes a lot of confidence to be able to start a business how about starting a new hobby or some sort of endeavor that you're trying to master maybe you picked up a musical instrument that you're trying to master maybe the guitar the piano maybe you've got some other hobby like a sport maybe golf or something like that that you're trying to get good at and you're struggling there because you don't have enough confidence how about with the opposite sex especially guys approaching girls for me huge confidence issues there I had to work really hard to work those out now I just I have those and a lot of guys generally don't have confidence when they're approaching a girl to talk to a girl to chat her up so lack of confidence with women for men is a huge problem how about lack of confidence with doing something in your life to improve yourself such as losing weight or putting some other kind of positive habit into your life like a gym routine or even confidence at the gym maybe you're at the gym and you're pushing yourself and you're not confident about exercise that you're doing or the weight limit that you're trying to reach so all of those are just like little little areas out of a big big big list that we could talk about for 15 or 20 minutes so I don't want to do that I just want to give you some ideas to start to get your mind connected what we're really talking about and I want you to get clear about where it is that you're specifically having your confidence issue because what I don't want you doing is using a broad brush just kind of say that you have low confidence that's not true I'm sure we can find many areas in your life where you have fairly good confidence so it's just the the problem areas that we need to look at okay what is confidence what is it really what is it like physically what's this existential nature confidence is a vibration of energy confidence is a thought wave that's is it's a mind state that's what confidence is when you're going in to do something and you're calm and you're grounded and you feel like you have no problem accomplishing it then what what are you you're confident right that's what's happening when you're going to brush your teeth in the morning that's what's happening when you're driving your car that's what's happening when you're going in to give some sort of presentation and you feel good about that you don't have any worries about it that's what's happening when you're cooking your dinner if you're good at cooking dinner or anything else and let that you've quote/unquote mastered you're gonna feel like you're able to do it you're not gonna worry too much not gonna second-guess yourself well what's the opposite of that the opposite of that is when you're going into something usually something new something you don't have a lot of experience in something that you have zero mastery in so let's say you're going to swing a golf club for the first time or let's say you're going on your first date let's say you're having sex for the first time let's say you're going to an important job interview for the first time let's say you have a big presentation in front of a hundred people in your company or in your division and that's something that you've never done before so all of those things because they're new and fresh to you you don't have a sense of confidence and so what's happening is that in your mind literally it's a different vibration of energy so a vibration of confidence is it's grounded you know that you're going to be able to do it a vibration of insecurity is all this worry and anxiety negative thoughts doom and gloom scenarios and negative visualizations that are going on so it's important recognize what confidence is actually it's a vibration it's a thought it's a mind state now how is confidence developed we already gave you some clues but it should be pretty clear that nobody is born with confidence confidence is not something you're born with and now it might not seem that way on the surface because you probably know people or you know friends or you know family members or people that you work with co-workers that have extraordinary levels of confidence and you envy them for that you wonder to yourself well how can I get that is it possible for me to get that and why is this person so goddamn confident like why what's the difference I'm having such such trouble in this area but that person has it totally handled well the difference is not that that person was born with it he or she wasn't born with it it's just that they have the experience that you're lacking right right now we could probably find some area in your life where you are very confident at something maybe you know how to paint maybe you know how to play a musical instrument maybe you know how to use the computer in a specific way maybe you have some applications there may be you know a programming language whatever that is you know something that you've mastered in you're really good at and you can look and you can see that peep there are people in the world in fact probably millions of people who don't know that thing that you know and so they're not confident about at all there are millions of people who are not confident about how to use a computer or how to paint or how to play a musical instrument or whatever it is that you're good at so it's important to notice that in that area actually you are the one who has self-confidence and other people don't so when you're feeling lack of confidence it's simply you be on on the opposite side of that equation right and so you see somebody who does have that confidence you don't have it why is that that's because you lack the experience that's necessary the other reason is not only do you lack the experience but you might also have a lack of mental control over your mind state so you might be an anxious anxiety prone person you might be a neurotic type of person you might have a lot of pessimistic and negative thoughts coming up so that even when you're doing stuff that you do have experience with you still have a lot of anxiety and you still have a lot of worry and lack of the confidence that's necessary so there's really two two parts to this one is getting the requisite experience that you want the other is getting your mind handled which is a lot of the videos that I'm shooting and bringing to you with actualize that org is about how to do that that's a really in-depth topic so I'm not going to cover that all in this video let's take a look at an example a couple of examples of people who are real really confident I tend to find that the reason that some people are kind of naturally perceived as being confident is because they got that initial experience that's necessary to have confidence they got it really early in life and that's probably true for you too for those things that you're really confident about in your life you say you probably got those early on when you were a kid or a teenager and now you perceive as those things just being a natural part of you and that's what really confidence is it's just like it's thinking like well you know what that's just me I'm just like a naturally good golfer or I'm like a naturally good with math or I'm naturally good at this instrument or I'm naturally good at painting and drawing or whatever else a naturally gifted speaker if you think that way then that like even solidifies your confidence even more you feel this vibration of like unlike like strength within you rather than the weakness if you have to go and acquire those skills later in life then your confidence level is not going to be quite as high as some of those Naturals the people that got it earlier in life not that you can never reach those levels but it's going to take you longer it's going to require more work so a really good example that I've seen is I've been studying a lot about the dating community and just how dating works like I've been studying the psychology that AMEX are baiting for the last few years and one of the things that I really noticed is confidence levels that are associated with good looks so guys who are good-looking tend to be extremely confident and guys who are worse in their looks they don't have that same confidence level the same thing applies with women women who don't have good looks don't have high confidence and women who have like really gorgeous looks like really a stunner girl she tends to have quite a lot of confidence at least within that context not everywhere in life but at least within that context within dating and relationships now why is this we'll just think about it I mean if you grew up and you're knew that you were really really good-looking since you were a kid maybe you got some good genetics or maybe people were just telling you in lavishing with attention and praise and compliments and you always thought of yourself as like this beautiful person really good-looking in the top 10% of everybody else around you so you thought that you were kind of the well if you grew up like that and you work that way through early schooling and then through high school and then like through college think about how much more confidence you would have it would be like the snowball effect that just built up and then of course you would feel more confident and you would go out and you start approaching girls you start dating and that confidence would actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy because you think that you're good-looking people are gonna register that from you because you really believe it it's not so important that you actually are good-looking it's simply important for you because it's kind of like a trick that your mind is playing on itself if you could get that kind of belief in yourself when you were bad looking you would still be able to get really really good results with women if you're a guy but most guys can't generate that kind of confidence because they're kind of broken inside if they've always felt like they're inferior now the same thing with women usually women that are really really gorgeous like hot women I mean you'll see them at clubs you'll see them at bars you can go talk with them and what you realize is that the reason that they have so much confidence is because again they have those good looks it's easier to have that confidence when you are good-looking now that doesn't mean that you can't be confident if you're not quite as good-looking if you're kind of average or even below average it's just that it'll take you more work because your mind is going to be hooked on the external stimulus that you're getting what the what the environment is gonna be feeding you for example if you're in American culture you're going to be fed by all these images magazine covers and beautiful people TV shows with beautiful people actors movie celebrities people talking about it also the dating experiences that you hear about from your friends so all this stuff is going to be bombarding you and if you've got a weak mind especially when you're growing up you have a weak mind you haven't really strengthened it you don't have much self-control then you're going to be buying into that you're going to just be absorbing that like a sponge and that's a dangerous thing because because that means you're just accepting what the surroundings are telling you see it takes a strong line to go against this things when people are telling you that you're ugly or you're looking funny or something like that imagine how confident you have to be to take those and not really care to just kind of shrug them off some people are actually we'll able to do that and that shows that they have like real confidence and it might even be true that they're ugly in someone tells them that they're ugly and they just don't care how cool would it be to get to that level that level is definitely possible you have to work at it though and you have to start unhooking yourself from all the external inputs that you're getting from society and media and all your friends and even your own mind is tricking you into believing this stuff so confidence is really about the mental game the mental aspects of what you think about yourself it's really about your self-image right it's who you believe that you are I have another video on self-image I'll link it down below you can check it out but self-image is very important because it determines subconsciously it determines what you think you can do in the world who you think you are how do you think the world works how you feel about yourself these are really deep subconscious beliefs that you have and what's nice about this even though it can be difficult to change what's nice is that the self-image can be totally changed and that that something which is rather arbitrary this is just stuff that is accumulated from your childhood and your past experiences and now it's in there but you can go and you can use various techniques to work this stuff out so context dependence of confidence let's talk about that for a second I want you to find a couple of things that you're really really confident in in your life I want you to prove this to yourself everyone can find at least a couple of things that they're good at that they are totally confident they can do and then I want you to write those down and then I want you to find a couple of other things where you're not confident so this should be even easier because that's why you're watching this video because you already have a couple of those on top of your mind but write those down as well I want you to compare those side-by-side and just see what is the difference why are you not confident in a couple of areas and then confident in some of the others what you're going to discover some of the stuff that I'm telling you is because of the early experiences that you've had through childhood maybe traumatic events that have caused you to feel insecure about yourself or it's the experience that you have right the reason your confidence on the other stuff is just because you've really worked on it really really and you feel like it's part of you part of your self-image when you feel like you know what that's me that's true that's me like I'm a math person I'm really good with words I'm really good with people whenever you feel like it's really you that's the self-image talking so that's where you want to get to when you get confident at something okay so the two avenues for building confidence are going to be confidence through competence right become competent at the thing that you're trying to do so this means taking action and committing yourself to a path of mastery you have to master the thing that you want so if you're looking at this video and you're asking yourself well how can I become confident in this one area that I have a trouble in here's the answer one answer is to take a lot of action build a lot of competence fail a lot learn your mistakes take the hard knocks and then you're going to be confident that's how everyone really builds confidence is through that process it's just that you don't see it in others because that process is usually hidden in it's internal and the second way to build confidence is through sheer will it's the inner game right I like to say that there's like the external component and internal component the external component of confidence is going out there and building mastery through action the internal component is by building up your mindsets that's all the videos I'm sharing with you understanding yourself understand your psychology mastering that practicing various techniques like affirmations visualizations meditation journaling getting coaching on whatever area that you're having trouble with and I mean the psychology of it not the practice of it the psychology right so it's one thing to go and work on your public speaking skills to actually become an articulate public speaker that is going to build your external mastery and it's going to build competence which will lead to confidence but that alone won't be enough you also need to master the inner psychology of it how are you thinking about your public speaking how are you thinking about yourself do you believe that you're a naturally gifted public speaker can you program that into your mind what about your subconscious mind what kind of limiting beliefs there are holding you so all that stuff you have to work on and really if you want to work on that stuff then that's what this channel is about that's why I encourage you to subscribe and watch more videos because that's what I'm really excited about is showing you how to do the inner work because the outer work that's a little bit more obvious about how to do that and that's gonna be very specific to what you're trying to master okay so this is it this is really what self-confidence is about hopefully this gives you a better understanding you can go out there and start to build self-confidence in whatever area of life you need it in the most right now this is Leo I'm signing off go ahead post me comments down below I'd love to hear from you please like this and share it click the like button right now throw it up on Facebook so your friends could see that would be a huge favor to me and then of course if you're interested in this stuff then I really encourage you to come and check out and subscribe to my newsletter right here at actualized org it's a free newsletter I'm releasing updates exclusive content videos articles other goodies I have a lot of exciting stuff that's planned that I'm going to be releasing over the next year or so so come and sign up for that because really what I'm doing is I'm trying to get you a really solid understanding of who you are how you function so you could create a really passionate exciting life for yourself everything that you want in your life I want you to take that to the enth degree I want you to be really excited about what you're doing with your career with your relationships with everything and I want you to be really happy and satisfied not just getting the externals but also just being fulfilled on the inside and to do that you have to master yourself and that's what I'm really passionate about helping you to do so if you sign up then you're gonna be staying onboard with all the updates that I'm releasing and this is a process that is a process you need constant updates so that you're growing yourself on a daily and weekly basis that's what I found really works the best that's what I use on myself that's what I use with my clients and that's what I want to help you do for free so sign up you